Agents of SHIELD The Parody
by Monkeycat31811
Summary: When the agents are not on missions. Some werider stuff happens.
1. Chapter 1

Scene 1:

*agent Coulson and May are talking when Simmons passes by*

Coulson: Simmons!

* Simmons looked over to Coulson*

Coulson: Don't forget we have your weekly review tonight. I expect you to be on time and arrive with the work I assigned you.

Simmons: yes sir *walks away*

May: why do you give her review every week?

Coulson: well because she is the only fully functioning science person we have. I mean fits is having break downs and Mac just sits around trying to convince me to let him work on Lola. I have to make sure she can handle the job.

May: wow! You're really talking this job seriously I'm proud of you.

Later that day…

Phil sits in a bean bag chair his room in Captain America PJ`s, he looks at his watch. There is knock at the door.*

Coulson: you're late!

* Simmons opens the door and enters*

Simmons: I'm sorry sir. But I think you`ll be pleased, I've managed to find of bunch of my old captain America comics. And I've brought my copy of Captain America: the first avenger and captain America: the winter solider.

Coulson: *excitedly* sit down! sit down! Let's watch!

* Simmons sits down in the bean bag chair next to Coulson. Simmons put the DVD in and they watch*

*Coulson gets very excited and starts giggling*

Simmons: you know I also thought we could watch the first season of this new show called agent carter.

Coulson: What?

Simmons: well I mean she was a great hero and she did fight alongside captain America so I thought you might…

Coulson: every week we sit here and read captain America comics, watch the movies and watch the old shows! That is what we agreed to! You said you were a big fan of the series!

Simmons: I am sir…but not because of captain America, I like the series because of Peggy.

*Coulson looked shocked*

Simmons: She honestly is a true inspiration. She was the one who started shield and-

Coulson: I can't believe what I am hearing! Captain America is the greatest war hero this county has ever seen!

Simmons; I would have to disagree. Peggy, even though she was women managed to show the boys that she was just as smart and as strong as them. She proved that a girl could be better than a man. She worked and trained hard to be what she was. Captain America just got injected with some serum.

Coulson: He just got injected?! He just got injected!? GET THE HELL OUT! GET OUT NOW!

Simmons: I'm sorry sir I…I.-

Coulson: OUT NOW!

* Simmons runs to the door and leaves*

*Coulson grabs a captain America plushie from his bed*

Coulson: I guess it's just you and me cap.

Scene 2:

* Simmons is walking with Skye*

Simmons: I still really don't trust, ward. I mean after what he did how Coulson could trust him!

Skye: Simmons the new avenger movie is coming out soon. Coulson is not focused on the mission. His mind is thinking about Captain America shirtless.

*suddenly they hear music coming from Ward`s old room*

* Simmons and Skye go to his room and open the door a bit. There they see ward standing in front of a mirror singing into a hair brush*

Ward: *singing* some people say that I'm a bad guy.

They may be right, they may be right.

But it's not as if I don't try.

I just fuck up, try as I might

* Simmons covers her mouth as she laughs. Skye takes out her iPhone and starts to film*

Ward; *singing* But I can change, I can change!

I can learn to keep my promises, I swear it!

I'll open up my heart and I will share it.

Any minute now I will be born again!

Yes I can change, I can change!

I know I've been a dirty little bastard

I like to kill! I like to maim! Yes, I'm insane!

But it's okay, 'COS I CAN CHANGE!

It's not my fault that I'm so evil.

It's society, society.

You see my parents were sometimes abusive.

And it made, a prick of me.

But I can change, I can change!

I can learn to keep my promises I know it,

I'll open up my heart and I will show it,

Any minute now I will be born again.

*ward sees the girl`s reflections in his mirror. He turns to them*

Ward: get the hell out of here!

Skye: *laughing* seriously? This is what you do during your free time. Sing South Park show tunes?

Ward: GET OUT! *gets his gun and starts shooting randomly*

* Simmons and Skye run away*

Scene 3:

*Skye sits in her room. *

Skye: this alien stuff is fucking bull shit! Seriously I was better off not knowing who my family was. My dad is a murder, my mom is starting a war with shield. I remember when this all started

*flashback*

Skye: how am I alive?

Coulson: so we injected you with this alien DNA to bring you back from the dead. Apparently Fury did the same thing to keep me alive. But the DNA has side effects. There is a possibility we will go insane, murder people, kill our self's, or draw non-sense symbols.

Skye: so then why would you do that to me?! I don't wana be alive if there's the possibility I'm grana go crazy.

Coulson: but there is a slim chance you might not. Plus I didn't want to be the only one. You know I like to talk about my feelings and I felt if we go through this together it might be easier.

Skye: your nuts. I`m surprised Fury keeps you around.

Coulson: he promoted me! You're looking at the new director of shield!

Skye: wait what!? So he injects you with this DNA that may cause you to go insane and then he makes you director? Is everyone completely insane on this show?

Coulson: oh also don't tell anyone but *whispers* Ward and May had sex!

Skye: what?!

Coulson: right? It's like seriously her? Eww! I`m the director now, if anyone is gana get any ass on this plane it should be me.

*flashback over*

Skye: Coulson is such a virgin…

Scene 4:

*Coulson goes into his office and opens a locked closet*

*inside the closet is a love shrine to Captain America. Which contains posters, photos of him walking around, cap plushies, a captain America helmet, poems and a big giant captain America picture in the center*

Coulson: oh I love you Cap! You're so beautiful and sexy! Your eyes, your hair! Oh I wish I could be like you! *puts on the helmet* *singing* when captain America throws his mighty shield all those who choose to oppose his shield must yield! When he is lead to a fight and the duel is do then the red and the white and the blue will come through when captain America throws his mighty shield!

May: uhh Phil….

*Coulson turns around and sees may standing behind him*

Coulson: uhhh…how long have you been standing there?

May: long enough. Do I need to inform Fury about this? …..again.

Coulson: *starts to cry* why doesn't Steve love me, May? Why won't he love me!? I'm his biggest fan! I had those vintage training cards! I watched every cartoon show about him and I think fury is trying to keep us apart! I mean Steve knows I love him I email him every day…even though he doesn't write back I know he loves me!

May: Why the hell are you director?

Scene 5:

* Simmons is working in the lab. Fits enters with a guitar in his hands*

Fits: Ummmm….Jemma.

Simmons: *looks at fits confused* …..Oh no! Not this again!

Fits: *singing while playing guitar*

I think you're swell

I think you're swell

You're the nugget in my Chicken

The peanuts in my butter

Adding fiber to our diets

Is beneficial for each other

You're a piece of dental floss and I am the teeth

You're Aretha Franklin, I'm r-e-s-p-e-c-t

I love you like a Cops marathon on TV,

I love you more than the original star wars trilogy

You're a guitar and I'm the strings

Like a jet ski in the water

Your New York, I'm the buildings

You're my mother, I'm your father

And I think you're swell.

And every day when you're walking down the street

Is like every other day because you're constantly walking down the street

And every day I'm only thinking about you

And a bunch of other important things, but primarily you

And that's true

Because I think you're swell

I think you're swell

I think you're swell

I'll be the Jagger to your Richards

The Captain Kirk to your Picard

If you're a molten lava room I'll be the one inept guard

We go together like pastrami on rye

Like watching Titanic and trying not to cry

We go together like a parade and confetti

And later if you're hungry I'll make you some spaghetti

And I think you're swell

I think you're swell

Simmons: aww! That was really cute!

Fits: *excitedly* so will you go out with me?

Simmons: nope. *goes back to her work*


	2. read

Please check out my new marvel story! Its about a second generation of avengers and its called Heroes Beginning. The plot is New City is taken over by a team of villains, many of the marvel heroes were killed in the war against the team of villains. so a new generation of heroes must step up to save the city they love. On the team arent just the children of the avengers but also children of the X men team. on the team are twins of Wolverine, son of Reed Richards and Sue storm, daughter of the winter solider, grand-daughter of Professor X, daughter of Jean Grey and Scott Summers, a son and a daughter of captain america, and more! so please read the story! It will mean alot to me!


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